15 Hilarious Jokes - Humour Ninja

15 Hilarious Jokes

Your portion of hilarious jokes for the day is here to brighten your week-end !

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“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.”
“Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

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Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is important too.

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When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.

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Why isn’t the military accepting karate pros?
Because when they salute they might kill themselves.

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 I am coughing and my nose is stuck. 
Internet diagnosis: I am 26 weeks pregnant !

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 A glass of Nutella has about 9870 calories. But I don’t care. I never eat the glass anyway.

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Web site log in: Sorry, your password 257EeffQ@# is not secure enough. 
Cash machine login 1234: Here’s your 1000 dollars.

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Waiter? I’m sorry, but I cannot eat all this. Would you be so kind and pack it for me? To take away?
But sir, this is a buffet.
Pack it up I said!

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My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

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“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…”
“Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”

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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

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I Googled “how to start a wildfire”.
I got 48,000 matches.

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Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.

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Jokes about PMS are NOT funny. Period.

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Two wi-fi antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.

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